Thoughts Over A Cup Of Tea

"I wanted to let go…I wanted to push you away…I wanted to say no…but when you held me tight and I felt my head resting against your chest…I couldn’t do anything.  Is that my heartbeat or yours?  I couldn’t tell anymore.  Our hearts have made music so sweet to my ears that I am sure I was taken to another world… a world where nothing matters but us and a place where time is not even important.  And then, after what seemed like forever, I mustered enough strength to step back.  I had to…before I get lost in that make-believe world.  I had to come back to reality…a reality that says “there is no us, and there will never be…”

"I just sit here staring at you looking at her.  I never thought doing nothing could be so tiring.  I am tired, not just by staring at you, but staring at the world passing by.  I am tired of sitting here, listening to you talk about her.  I am tired of wiping your tears and holding your hands.  I wouldn’t be tired doing those things, if only my heart is not burdened with so much pain.  I’ve been carrying you for such a long time…I have been here sitting next to you all these time…and yet, all along, you’re not really with me.  This table for two is half-occupied for you may be seated next to me but I know that all of you is there with her on the table beside us…"

 

"What is so lucky about a girl sitting in a table full of admiring men?  They only see what they wanted to see.  Their eyes seemed to look past me and yet they pretend they’re the luckiest men alive sharing a table with the most amazing girl in town.  I’ve seen dagger looks from the women in other tables.  I’m used to it already.  What I am not used to is having this feeling of envy over the girl in the next table.  Oh how her eyes are filled with so much love for the man beside her and yet there is also pain.  She is not mad at me, she is just jealous.  I wanted to go to her and tell her I’d switch places with her.  Because the man seated next to her may be looking at me always, but once those eyes rests on her face, it’s like he is staring into the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.  I wanted someone to look at me like that…the look of true love that only the heart can see…"

"I don’t know why I’m doing this to you. The only girl I care so much about…the only woman I wanted to sit beside me always on this very same nook.  I wanted to tell you so much but words just left me…I wanted to look you in the eye but I am so scared of what I’ll see there so instead I always look away.  My eyes may be resting on the woman in the next table, but my heart can only see your face.  My words may be all about her, but my mind is full of thoughts of you.  I just don’t know how to tell you or show you what I really feel inside.  Forgive me for hiding behind the lies about that woman because right now I couldn’t tell you the truth…not just yet…"

"I’m sorry I had to leave…I don’t want to hurt you.  Much as I wanted to stay and sip a cup of tea with you I know it wouldn’t help.  I have drowned myself with so much drink before and yet it couldn’t wash away the pain I am still feeling inside.  I am imprisoned by my own stubbornness and my hands and feet are tied with my own strings of good memories of my past.  I couldn’t move.  I know you wanted to try to pull me away but you won’t succeed.  The person I loved deeply is not even there anymore in the first place.  Pulling me away is like pushing me deeper into the pit of my sadness. I like drinking my cup alone, in that same corner where I used to sit for years now.  It has been my own private corner since the day I first cried and it has become like a sanctuary to me.  I feel safer there and I intend to stay there for as long as I can.  No, you cannot share that table with me…I have reserved it for my preferred company…loneliness…"

"I never thought love could be so suffocating.  The love that everyone else has spent so much time looking for has already imprisoned me.  I couldn’t see any reason to be happy about it anymore.  It’s like I’m a slave that’s been deprived of any rights to do what I want with my life.  Yes I may be wearing a smile but deep down inside that smile couldn’t find its place anywhere.  I want to be free.  I want to cut these strings that bound us.  I don’t have a choice, I am stuck and no one can hear my pleas much less understand what I’m going through..."

"He chose me over her.  I'm such a lucky girl they say.  But am I worthy of it?  I know he loves me but I am not sure if I can give him back the kind of love he's so willing to give.  It is not that I don't love him.  I really do.  I just couldn't understand myself.  Maybe I'm expecting too much.  Am I happy?  I guess so but I wanted to feel more.  I wanted to convince myself so much that what we have is right.  That what we have is worth all the trouble he went through.  I am scared...I am scared I'll hurt him.  He deserves so much more..."

"I finally found the one I'm looking for.  I don't care what other people say.  The person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is here with me sharing the same flavors that I want, laughing with the same people I love and seated at the same table I am so comfortable with.  I will do everything to make this person happy and I won't let anything get in the way.  Thank You Lord for giving me such a wonderful gift and I promise I'll treasure this one forever..."

"This is not my home but it sure feels like one.  I have been out there for so long and have been alone all my life.  Coming in and seeing everyone in here made me feel like I’m part of a family.  Family, something I haven’t had in a long time.  I’m not really easy to get along with but they accepted me for everything I am.  I am stubborn, hard-headed and withdrawn but once I sit on this table and sip a cup of tea with them, I’m taken into another world.  A world far from where I’ve been.  This place is not perfect, in fact, there’s only a small space here but we all fit in perfectly."

"O ano? Magtititigan na lang ba tayo dito?  Kunin na ang gitara...tugtugan na muna!!"

...and they sang their hearts out singing the words they don't know how to say.  Although they may have different flavors like the tea they ordered, they created music that made them speak as one.  They found a corner in this world, a small nook in a small town they call home.